And now for something completely different.

Over at Apparently Artists...? We're working our way through a practise run of a short comic that was based on a short script I wrote a few years back. We needed something about 4-6 pages long and in my head this script was just that. I ended up having to choose a few moments of dialogue, coupla jokes and an action sequence.

Just for kicks, here's the full script which we might do something with later.

Rain and Buses...

Fade in on a girl standing to the left of a bus stop. Its raining lightly.

Chic [V/O]

I bet if this were in slow motion, this would look real intense. I'd look at that cigarette in the puddle and reflect on cancer or something.

She takes out her phone and looks at it. She then rolls her shoulders, obviously irritated and verging on impatience.

Chic [V/O]

 I'd kill for a coffee.

She takes out a lighter and absently plays with it, lighting it over and over again.

Chic [V/O]

 [I'm sure no one would miss a Welsh man. Or a small Welsh village. Like a fishing village. And it'd be the good kind of coffee, so no lives lost needlessly. Not instant. Hell, I'd take out Texas for a cappuccino.]

She puts the lighter away. She checks her phone again.

Chic [V/O]

Eleven thirty five… depression sets in. I shouldn't be here. I don't know what I'm looking for, when I'm supposed to find it. Fuck, is this even the right stop?

She looks around irritably.

Chic [V/O]

Still got five smokes left, enough change to get back to the base side of the city, a couple of hours before I crash where I stand, two nutria-grain bars, probably have to do this again for the rest of the week if I don't find anything and Luke isn't back for another couple of days. Yeah. Coffee would be good. Texas is gonna burn.

She squints out through the rain to see if the bus is coming yet. She takes in her surroundings to occupy herself for even a minute. She sees a spider in a web, hunched over a cocoon, drinking whatever's inside.

Chic [V/O]

That's the last thing I need. Ominous metaphors.

She leans back into the back of the shelter and rolls to lean more on her right shoulder after wincing slightly and takes out her phone again.

 She begins to call someone under the name "Fable" then hear movement behind her. She cancels the call and slips the phone back into her pocket.

There is now a guy standing at the other end of the shelter. D shakes some rain off his coat. He ruffles his hair as he takes off his hood and looks at Chic C looking at him and smiles.

Chic C smiles back.

They then both stand looking out at the rain.

Chic [V/O]

Finally

She looks at him out of the corner of her eye.

Chic [V/O]

Something at least a little more interesting.

D pulls out a cigarette and pats down his pockets. Chic moves through her pockets like shes looking for her smokes. She turns to D and while pushing some errand hair behind her ear. She walks over to him, keeping an arms length.

Chic-

Sorry, but you wouldn't maybe, possibly, at all have a spare smoke?

D offers the packet with a smile on his face and only one smoke left.

Chic-

I can't take your last one…

D shrugs

Chic-

if you're sure…

D-

gonna get smoked now or later. And I can always get more later.

Chic-

Cheers.

She takes the smoke and lights it.

D [V/O]

Nice

D-

um… could I get a light perchance?

Chic adopts a mock indignant tone

Chic-

Of course not, what kind of girl do you think I am?

Chic gives D her lighter. After the smoke is lit, he absently pockets the lighter.

Chic [V/O]

So far my dude in shining whatever.

D- [V/O]

Real nice

They stand and smoke for a while, trying to look like they're not paying attention to the other. The rain get a little heavier.

D-

Sucks huh? Its been pouring down all week.

After a slightly longer than a comfortable pause passes.

Chic-

Yep. That's the way it goes

D winces slightly

D-

Sorry. I guess its really just one of those things you say…

Chic smiles a little

Chic-

I know. The next time someone says "You wait ages for a bus then three arrive at once", I'm going to wake up a couple of hours later covered in the guys blood.

D laughs

D-

and when the cops are taking your statement, they ask you what happened and you just say "small talk."

Chic-

Then they tell me, "he would have survived the first bus he fell under, but the next two arriving finished him off."

They both laugh for a bit, Then lapse back into silence.

D- [V/O]

She's funny. Need something to talk about. No stupid small talk… c'mon…

Chic looks at him suddenly.

Chic-

Hey, do you still have my lighter?

D-

oh… yeah, shit.

D [V/O]

 Magic time

D displays an empty hand and then with a flick of his fingers the lighter appears. Chic looks impressed.

Chic-

nice one.

D-

Thanks, my grandmother was a voodoo priestess. Taught me the ways of the great beyond.

Chic-

…Voodoo priestess?

D-

 Voodoo priestess.

Chic-

No offence, but… your white.

D-

okay so maybe not voodoo priestess.

Chic-

 what then?

D-

… Internet site about slight of hand…

Chic smiles wolfishly.

Chic-

Is that before or after the cheerleader porn?

D chuckles

D-

Before, of course.

Chic raises an eyebrow

Chic's tone carries an interest in the answer

Chic-

Of course?"

D-

Gotta limber up the wrists.

They both laugh again.

Chic [V/O]

 Potentially potential

D [V/O]

Bullseye

D-

So, what do you do when your not waiting on buses?

Chic [V/O]

what doesn't make a person, it's the who. Too bad. You were doing really well up till now.

Chic gains a note of irritation in her voice.

Chic-

This and that. Mostly That on days like This.

D-

Okay, where bouts do you live? You on campus in the college?

Chic-

After so smoothly evading talking about work, you think I'm going to tell ou where I live? Ease up cowboy. The funny was working.

D [V/O]

Losing it…

D-

I just think your interesting.

Chic-

Spiders are interesting, I'm dark and mysterious.

D-

very dark and mysterious. You learn that in college?

Chic grows visibly weary of the line of questions.

Chic-

I work in a place, I learn stuff somewhere and home is where the head rests. You can fill in the blanks.

D [V/O]

Shit. Fuck. Damn. Crap.

They both lapse back into silence and the rain comes down even heavier, now a boundary around the shelter.

Chic [V/O]

 This obviously isn't what I'm looking for. I should just head back to base and try again tomorrow.

She flicks away the cigarette and without thinking, takes out another and lights it. She freezes after lighting her smoke and sees D looking at her with a considering expression.

D-

You know that trick with the lighter? Well…

D holds up a closed fist then opens it to reveal several glowing spheres that gently levitate out of his hand.

Chic looks at them in amazement. She then turns her attentions to D. she sees his right eye begin to quiver.

Chic stares at it as D's eye falls out and lands in apuddle between them.

They both look down at it and then back up at each other.

D-

Sorry, I really didn't want you to see that.

Chic looks at him in disbelief. The glowing spheres fade out.

Chic-

What…?

D-

look on the bright side. You never really have to know.

D's jaw then dislocates and opens wide to show row upon row of shark-like teeth.

Chic steps back and from the inside pocket of her coat draws out a playing card with her left hand. On the card are a few rune like symbols drawn on it.

She flashes a smile, bites the thumb of her right hand and smears some blood on the card and it begins to smoulder.

D looks very confused.

D-

what…

Chic flicks the card at D's face and it explodes and sends D reeling back

Chic-

Hadokken.

D tenses for a lunge, half his face blown off and underneath where muscle should be, there is grey flesh and where is remaining eye was, there is just a gaping hole.

Chic flicks a hand at him and a number of ice shards fly into D's chest. A crawling frost encases his body.

Chic smashes him with a kick and the pieces fly into the street and rain, already becoming little more than fading red lumps in the water.

Chic takes out her phone and calls number under "Fable" again.

Chic-

I got one on main street. I think it was the one that's been feeding around the college.

The bus pulls up to the stop and opens up the doors and Chic walks on. She walks up the stairs.

Chic-

Next time Sparks gets the graveyard shift.

Chic moves to a seat and sits down with a thick squelching sound. She looks down and winces.

Chic [V/O]

Fucking public transport

END OF LINE.

Keep your friends close but your enemies as far away as possible.

Don't complain if they punch you in the face for standing so close to them.
You have been warned.

One of the first rules of doing illustrations is you charge for what you do. The second rule of doing illustrations is to sometimes ignore the first rule.
I have asked several professionals about pro bono work and every time I was told that you have to charge at least something. Even if its just twenty quid it from your mate who needs a cover for his band's EP but is stuck for cash who says he can recommend you for all kinds of paid work once they get picked up and you will absolutely be brought along for the gravy train ride into roast turkey station. But most likely you will be the peas or sprouts, acknowledged for your contribution to the overall aesthetic of the meal but discreetly brushed aside and hidden under a napkin. Tomorrow is pizza night anyway.

This is a worst dinner scenario, but not an uncommon proposal if your starting point is 'which of your friends or family could pay me for something'. My advice would be not to get overly invested in agreements like this as, in my experience, it rarely plays out successfully. It is of course good practice at the start to do a few of these jobs, if for no other reason than getting some idea for possible avenues of work as well as gauging how fast you need to work on a deadline. Just be prepared for your would-be client to come back with a few suggestions for re-do's and little appreciation  for the hours it's taking out of your other stuff cause screw it your doing it for free and there in no momentary investment in it. Here's an example of what I mean which happens to be hilarious; 27bslash6.com. If you charge someone twenty or thirty quid for it and they come back and say they want it "different but the same", it's much easier to turn around and say "okay, that'll be €15 for me to do alterations". This creates the possibility for some extra cash while simultaneously restricting how much work you'll have to do for them.

The most free work I've done is for my older Brother. He has run a number of really good comedy shows around Dublin and has sold out shows in the Edinburgh Comedy Festival. And the Fringe Festival if that isn't the same thing. if it is, he did twice as good then. Part of my style has become part of the branding for the shows. My love of black and white (with maybe one colour) suited the aesthetic he was going for.

The first show was called 'Eat Cake' after that very famous French lady who didn't understand how the whole cake/bread to rich/poor thing worked.

The first image was a guillotine that had cut  off a slice of cake. There was no research done as an image of a guillotine had been branded onto my brain by a particularly grim episode of Tom and Jerry earlier in my childhood.

I asked the guys in the show, Damon Blake, Padraig Fox and George Fox (no relation) for some photo's they wanted as their image and I did a trace sketch and then a more stylized re-trace.

There were also special posters made for the Halloween show and a night when the topic was Politics.

 Another show is called 'Auntie's Establishment', which I thought was a great name for a fringe comedy show.

My currant work with Damon is a weekly comic strip called 'This Is Bat Country' on the website humourisms.com

This was as simple as the figures for the first Eat Cake poster. I got a still of The Proclaimers, sketched over it and then drew over that, making up the folds and wrinkles in the skin as I went along. I kept a section of the first sketch under the second figures breathing mask. I lowered the opacity a bit for effect and finished by throwing on a simple screen tone for back ground.

Doing these for Dame has been advantageous as people in the comedy circuits associate my style of drawing with his style of comedy which is pretty cool, but now with traffic from Humourisms, it links to this blog which can potentially link to my other project at Apparently Artists...? where I am a contributor. So in my case the free work has been valued and payed off in one way or another. But like I said, this isn't always the case. Unless you can be damn sure your not going to be under appreciated and stressed out with no return, look critically at the potential benefits and the nature of the task at hand. There is no shame or insult in just saying "I can't do that right now/You'd be better off getting someone else to do it/I'd love to do that! Right after I get all this other stuff done!"

Critical thinking. It's where it's at.